Na Zdrowie!

In looking for where I can find Oplatki for Christmas, I found the following. OMG! Totally my life! I pulled out ones that were particularly applicable for me and my family!

You know you’re Polish if…

Your knowledge of the Polish language is lim ited to ‘naughty’ words (e.g., dupa, gowno, gatki, etc), names for food (e.g, pierogi, kapusta, etc), and drinking toasts (e.g., na zdrowie, sto lat, etc).

You occasionally add the suffix “-ski” to English words for no apparent reason (e.G., “I’m gonna go put the car-ski in the garage-ski”). [If you also happen to know a few basic conversational phrases in Polish, you are considered “old school” by friends and relatives.]

You call your grandma “babcia” or “busia” and your grandpa “dziadzia.” You know how to dance the polka, but you only do it at weddings after kicking back a few generous shots of vodka.

You like to drink. Especially beer. Especially cheap beer.

When frustrated, you slap your forehead, shake your head, and say “O Jezu Marija!”

You have one grandma that wears a babushka and galoshes every single day of the year and another grandma that wears a lot of jewelry and too much make-up.

You have a grandma who uses every single part of animal carcasses to make sausages , soups, dumplings, etc.

Your relatives show constant devotion to saints, the Blessed Virgin, the Pope, the Democratic Party, the U.S. Steelworkers, etc.

Your grandma has a shrine complete with votive candles and a picture of the “Our Lady of Czestochowa” or “Infant of Prague.”

Your parents have at least one crucifix or religious picture mounted on a wall in their house with palms tucked behind it.

Your grandparents and other relatives habitually kiss everyone they meet.

You get your food blessed at Easter and your house blessed at Christmas time.

Your family has a wigilia meal on Christmas Eve at which you share oplatki.

You like to put sour cream, horseradish, and/or beer on everything you eat.

You always prefer rye bread to white or wheat.

Your dad has forced you to eat horseradish, claiming that it will “put hair on your chest” (even If you’re a female!).

People in your family have their wedding receptions at places called “Polish Legion Hall,” “Sacred Heart Center,” etc.

You know the words to “Sto Lat” and sing it at all birthday parties.

You can out drink all of your friends.

You have waited in line at a church or bakery to buy pierogi or paczki.

You frequently add “dere” (there) and/or “ya know” to the end of sentences. Words like kiszka, kielbasa, and kolaczki actually mean something to you.

You actually know who Kosciuszko and Pulaski are, and why they’re important.

You’re either completely overdressed or completely underdressed for every occasion.

If you’re a woman, you wear make-up at all times - even if it’s 90 degrees outside and you’re 88 years old.

Your idea of “healthy” is boiled pierogi, light beer, and filtered cigarettes.

You’ve never been to Poland, but you have mysterious relatives there to whom you send gifts and money every Christmas.

You collect “prayer cards” from funerals.

You’re haven’t been a practicing Catholic for years but everyone in your family insists that it’s “just a phase.”

You often visit cemeteries, light votive candles for dead relatives, and generally spend an unhealthy amount of time obsessing about death.

You like to gossip and generally talk too much.

People often have trouble pronouncing your last name.

You drink your coffee black and take your liquor straight up.

From: http://joejurczyk.com/2008/02/16/only-polish-people-will-understand-this/